Back To You

I’m older now, but I’m still wrong

I’m bolder now, I’ve still lost

Let me cry into midnight blue

I’ll find a way back to you


Find a way back to you



Find way back to you



Back, to, you



Step by, step once step back

Allow it in before you let it go

For its final time pretend it will be okay,

That it wont be gone alone



Step by, step once step back

It’s sorry you can’t see it anymore

Its given in to whats to be done

Pain took its life and it took you too



Stand by, stand tall stand up

Allow me in before you let me go

For his final time pretend he will be okay,

That he wont be gone alone



Stand up, stand tall stand strong

He’s sorry you can’t see him anymore

He’s given in to what he’s become

Pain took his life and it took yours too



And I’m falling, deeper than I’ve been before

And I’m sinking, lower than I’ve been before



Step by, step once, Step back

Falling down, deeper than I’ve been before

Stand by, stand tall, stand up

Sinking down, deeper than I’ve been before

Step by

Back to you

Step once

Back to you

Step back

Back to you

Stand by

Back to you

Stand tall

Back to you

Stand up

Back to you

Step Back

Back to you


Snowdrop Cliff

You don’t understand loneliness until you’ve exhausted someone who was nearly in love with you to the point of abandonment..

Arch my angels

White light..Late night…



Snowdrop Cliff

My love may melt the snow here

“The snow is the cliff, my dear”

I have loved and lost a life here

“The life was never yours to lose, my dear”

I have come to leave my life here

“Don’t leave yourself because everyone else does, my dear”


Death and other angels

All weep in this spot

Edge of the cliff?

Worn and strained love






Snowdrop Cliff

My snow may melt the love here

“You’re part of what you fear, my dear”

I have lost the life I loved here

“You’re looking in the wrong places, my dear”

I have left to come to life here

“Remember everything you’ve learned so far, my dear”

(Don’t mind if we never go)

(Never go home)

Fall into cloud

Sunder into shroud

Fall into The Grey

The snow city is so far away




Fall into cloud


Sunder into shroud


Fall into The Grey 


The snow city is so far away


The worst thing about leaving is nobody looking for you


Never let me go


It’s time to dye this snow red. Pour us into this cliff where our essence is strongest anyways. I’m here to empty you out of me. I’m here to empty us out of me.

All of the lies. When you said you would stop lying. You tried to, I know that.

You can’t force love.

“Can I disentangle us?” I wrote. You certainly weren’t there to. The fights we had, you’d vanish, gone, for days on end. You didn’t seem to care.

The breakups where you always expressed a desire to stay broken up. And I pushed for us.

I can’t force love.

The names you called me. The way you acted when you got drunk. “I’m sorry. I was flirting with him.” The promises you broke.

I trusted you with a bonding promise. I implored you to never break a promise while my hand held yours.

You broke them.

The memories. I helped you change environments – workspace, friends. I kept you alert, on your toes. I helped you tell your father you loved him on new years eve.

The standalone pieces of my heart, my heart, that I thought I’d found when I found you

I broke them.

Count yourself lucky that you aren’t stuck remembering all of the light times. I count you lucky that you get to act a fool and a victim after everything you’ve done to me.

I have never been easy, nor have I been clean, but I have and always will be a sacrificial, loyal and healing spirit. You, the only person to ever say different, cannot take that from me.

Snowdrop Cliff, I know who I am, I know where I stand.

I will never write about you again.

February Snow

It’s been cold,

January snow

Ironic that for our favourite weather,

We are alone


I think of your cheeks,

Hot pink, burned from frost

Like settled ladybugs,

Lovewords that I have lost


You’re good at keeping warm,

And all I know is surviving through Winter

But you’re not safe where you are now,

And I’ll be dead before Easter

It’s still so cold,

February snow

Time not spent together,

Away from home


I think of your smile

Do you remember a time?

Anything at all?

Lovebirds that cannot chime


May your face wrinkle,

From the laughter someone gives you

May your hands find,

Someone to pull closer at night


May your hugs comfort,

As from Pooh

May your lifeline seek,

A succesful rhyme

I am so cold,

February snow

This snowdrop cliff

Never let me go

People Just Untie Themselves

Lights all lost, this snowdrop cliff,

Heroes gone, awake in the rain,

I have been abandoned, yet again


City below, forgotten feeling of love,

Cathedral where I cannot breathe,

Not safe enough to sleep


Fallen once, fallen twice,

Given up, I’ve Given in,

I should never (have) let you in


Wind, I need you to howl right now

I need to know, I need to hear

I can’t hear with him still in my ear

Just rush at me,

Push me out, knock me in, move me

Pass right through me


I am haunted by happiness

I can never let go of the past

Too much punishment, too fast


Always to be beaten dry,

Always on the end of a fist,

There is no saving me from this


Fallen once, Fallen twice

Given up, I’ve given in

You never (even) wanted in


Wind, I need you to howl right now

I need to know, I need to hear

I can’t hear with him still in my ear

Just rush at me,

Push me out, knock me in, move me

Pass right through me


You said you’d find me if I disappeared

Where am I? Where am I? Where am I?

I told you,

I deserve all the pain I’ve suffered


But I know he lied

I know he changed our position

I know now to always trust intuition

But I can’t help (but) listen

I can’t help it, I miss him


I need you,

I need you,

Wind? I need you


,so I cradled my broken arm and ran as fast as I could using my shoulders. I could hear those dreadful footsteps slobbering behind me, tripping in hunger and desperation. The sound brought cold tears to my eyes. The insides of my cheeks famished and swelled from the constant, burning hyper-breathing.

I could not decipher which way to go, how to get away. So I just carried on, jarring myself against the thick parallel concrete walls that surrounded me. I prayed for relief.

I suddenly snagged on a creeping root and my entire body weight landed on my arm. With a terrible snack, and a pain that felt like someone had placed my arm on kerb and then jumped on it, came a horrifying, wet moan from just behind me. I scrambled to my feet and continued my agonising run. Every step I took stabbed me, and I could feel a juggle inside as my completely shattered bones shook from movement. I could hear those awful steps plummeting…

Closing in… Hot breath on my neck… I took the next left sprinting so hard that I sprung into the adjacent wall. This time my arm let out a falling-tree creak, but I didn’t have time to notice the blood that then started spitting. The impact surprised the thing and it hurtled forwards, being slapped by that long enclosure that kept us both trapped here. It gave me seconds.

But then it got faster.

I heaved everywhere, my life was just ache, my arm bleeding heavily through my white fleece. My legs fidgeted on each step I took. I was giving in. The thing had me. I was hopeless, my pace slowing, each turn and each shoulder against the wall knocking more from me than the last..

With pride, I snapped around, ready for a defeated dog fight. I was already dead.

But then it all glistened away in grey fog. The stone walls burning softly, their new state of matter drifting up slowly, in circles and bending lines. I watched, gently holding my broken arm as the sky formed into grey, and the walls came loose, and I could nearly see the shape of the maze I had bashed through now broke in suspension. Light as air it left me. With my broken arm I stretched, painfully, stained with blood on my clothes and my beaten hand that poked from the darkened sleeve, and felt the mist that rose from the wall beside me. It felt…slender on my damaged body. Healing almost, like deer tears roaming along the pain.

I turned to meet my chaser and found it lying in a massy mass. It was limp and fallen, just letting itself cloud. Its thick blackness eroded into grey too, it lightened as it flew.

The effervescence felt like home.

And then I realised, my devastated hand was dissipating too

Dillon #2

His skin is cold to touch. Colder than The Grey. His teeth are icicles. His tongue is vanilla ice-cream. His favourite colours are white and blue but he pretends they are red and black. When kissing his lips it feels like eating snow. His breath is always foggy. His blood has frozen, so he moves with stiff legs and turns slowly. He gleams with brilliance and cleanliness. He is immaculate and pure and those of wicked and wretched sin, those like me, are hurt to look upon his white statue. The light cuts the black of our eyes like a needle.

Nothing penetrates his glacier exterior. The pools of emotions inside him are never rippled. They are steady and lonely and never overflow and they are a young blue atop and embowled by a flawless white.

He deflects weapons and blocks punches. He is a white barrier. He is physically unbreakable. He doesn’t crack. He glows – a strict, skinny, skeleton glow that radiates from his skin. He is intimate with his surroundings and can surge them with confidence to withstand the wildest of winds and strongest of storms.

When he walks through empty corridors he glides his finger along the wall emitting little flakes from the contact that melt to a tear of water before they reach the ground.

I think he lives like he’s made of glass. Perhaps porcelain. A cold porcelain vase that doesn’t home flowers and acts as just an eye pleaser, a decoration on a marble mantlepiece. And so, he feels cold and worthless and looked at but not looked in, not studied, just passed, his existence fragile and unmendable once it shatters into fragments; picked up with delicate hands and let fall again. And again. And again. 

We could combine, little Dillon. You and I, the frost and the fog could attach and produce a new world. An illusionist and a shapeshifter. Who’s who?

Galaxy Goo

I could crack you open and galaxy goo would slime through the fissures, thick and dark purple and full of little stars.

You don’t even know that.

You have no idea what’s inside of you. What you’re made of. I guess that’s because you can’t see your eyes. Unless you look through mirror. But you and I both know, mirrors only reflect colours. Cosmic magic gets lost in translation.

I have seen your eyes. The first time I met with them, my lonely mind took their picture and replayed them to me – over and over. It connected us in that infinite land of dream and magic and imagination, where we will breathe and fly and implode even after this world has let us go.

You’re heavy. You carry yourself around and you tire yourself out.

Gravity despises you. You’re too hard to hold down. Gravity told Love to break you, so you chained canon balls around your ankles and kept yourself grounded.

That was bad.

You see, dreaming is flying, flying is rising above,out of reach from Shadow, the snappy-stick wetness that moves at night. We sleep to escape it. That’s why we sleep at night.

But you don’t sleep. Do you?

No. You shiver and stare at the stars and wonder.

Oh. Galaxy Goo! That’s us up there! Far from the ground claimed by malice!

I feared for your safety.

But you were safe.

When I turned and found myself deep within Grey depth and not alone, I found you! Oh, wicked truth! Beyond imagination! You are of Grey as I am, as she is! And I pondered just HOW A being of the Grey could survive the darkness without dreaming! Without sleep!

And so I realised,

At night as we leapt to Earths beloved universe and hid in a galaxy, you turned into your galaxy. The darkness couldn’t collect you because you collected yourself.

And so, you could survive the night. And, the night became your dream. And, you lived amongst devils and demons and were immune to their wickedness.

And then came the Grey…