Back To You

I’m older now, but I’m still wrong

I’m bolder now, I’ve still lost

Let me cry into midnight blue

I’ll find a way back to you


Find a way back to you



Find way back to you



Back, to, you



Step by, step once step back

Allow it in before you let it go

For its final time pretend it will be okay,

That it wont be gone alone



Step by, step once step back

It’s sorry you can’t see it anymore

Its given in to whats to be done

Pain took its life and it took you too



Stand by, stand tall stand up

Allow me in before you let me go

For his final time pretend he will be okay,

That he wont be gone alone



Stand up, stand tall stand strong

He’s sorry you can’t see him anymore

He’s given in to what he’s become

Pain took his life and it took yours too



And I’m falling, deeper than I’ve been before

And I’m sinking, lower than I’ve been before



Step by, step once, Step back

Falling down, deeper than I’ve been before

Stand by, stand tall, stand up

Sinking down, deeper than I’ve been before

Step by

Back to you

Step once

Back to you

Step back

Back to you

Stand by

Back to you

Stand tall

Back to you

Stand up

Back to you

Step Back

Back to you


Snowdrop Cliff

You don’t understand loneliness until you’ve exhausted someone who was nearly in love with you to the point of abandonment..

Arch my angels

White light..Late night…



Snowdrop Cliff

My love may melt the snow here

“The snow is the cliff, my dear”

I have loved and lost a life here

“The life was never yours to lose, my dear”

I have come to leave my life here

“Don’t leave yourself because everyone else does, my dear”


Death and other angels

All weep in this spot

Edge of the cliff?

Worn and strained love






Snowdrop Cliff

My snow may melt the love here

“You’re part of what you fear, my dear”

I have lost the life I loved here

“You’re looking in the wrong places, my dear”

I have left to come to life here

“Remember everything you’ve learned so far, my dear”

(Don’t mind if we never go)

(Never go home)

Fall into cloud

Sunder into shroud

Fall into The Grey

The snow city is so far away




Fall into cloud


Sunder into shroud


Fall into The Grey 


The snow city is so far away


The worst thing about leaving is nobody looking for you


Never let me go


It’s time to dye this snow red. Pour us into this cliff where our essence is strongest anyways. I’m here to empty you out of me. I’m here to empty us out of me.

All of the lies. When you said you would stop lying. You tried to, I know that.

You can’t force love.

“Can I disentangle us?” I wrote. You certainly weren’t there to. The fights we had, you’d vanish, gone, for days on end. You didn’t seem to care.

The breakups where you always expressed a desire to stay broken up. And I pushed for us.

I can’t force love.

The names you called me. The way you acted when you got drunk. “I’m sorry. I was flirting with him.” The promises you broke.

I trusted you with a bonding promise. I implored you to never break a promise while my hand held yours.

You broke them.

The memories. I helped you change environments – workspace, friends. I kept you alert, on your toes. I helped you tell your father you loved him on new years eve.

The standalone pieces of my heart, my heart, that I thought I’d found when I found you

I broke them.

Count yourself lucky that you aren’t stuck remembering all of the light times. I count you lucky that you get to act a fool and a victim after everything you’ve done to me.

I have never been easy, nor have I been clean, but I have and always will be a sacrificial, loyal and healing spirit. You, the only person to ever say different, cannot take that from me.

Snowdrop Cliff, I know who I am, I know where I stand.

I will never write about you again.

February Snow

It’s been cold,

January snow

Ironic that for our favourite weather,

We are alone


I think of your cheeks,

Hot pink, burned from frost

Like settled ladybugs,

Lovewords that I have lost


You’re good at keeping warm,

And all I know is surviving through Winter

But you’re not safe where you are now,

And I’ll be dead before Easter

It’s still so cold,

February snow

Time not spent together,

Away from home


I think of your smile

Do you remember a time?

Anything at all?

Lovebirds that cannot chime


May your face wrinkle,

From the laughter someone gives you

May your hands find,

Someone to pull closer at night


May your hugs comfort,

As from Pooh

May your lifeline seek,

A succesful rhyme

I am so cold,

February snow

This snowdrop cliff

Never let me go

A Personal View On Death

Death to me, is quite beautiful.

Death is tying a ribbon into a bow and labelling the package ‘Completion.’ It is finally being able to look back on a life and understand the meaning of that life, the question that has boggled philosophers, some of the best thinkers, since life began. Death is an epiphany. It’s noticing the beauty, the impact, the brilliance of someone.

With death comes a treasuring, and albeit a sum of regret too, but we cling on to what we remember of a life only once it’s gone. Death is keeping those memories and always feeling some sort of emotion because of them. Happiness, anger, desperation… In its own dark way, Death will remind you of what’s most important in life, in the most obvious way it can – through expression. Emotion. Elements of life.

Death is endless love, perhaps frustrating in some circumstances, but endless nonetheless. When we lose someone we love, when their life is complete, our love for them becomes immortal, because life can no longer touch that love, it cannot ruin that love, there will be no fights to tear that love. That love is crystallised and therefore unbreakable.

With death comes a terrible feeling that one won’t experience until they’ve fallen victim to Death’s grip. A pain, a sick feeling that was always there, like cancer, just waiting to be exploited. Mourning, grief… Emotions that cause sickness, sickness of hearts, sickness of souls, emotions that will make make you puke up the backbone of your reality and leave you staring at the mess on the floor. Death gives birth to the second part of life, and much like in the first part of life, we are born kicking and screaming and scared and stupid, but we grow. We age. Death prepares us for how cruel both it and Life can be, and will be, and you will see a different world, a world where you will not take ease for granted…But a world where you will appreciate the softness of snow, the flexibility of young glass, the changing colour of the sky.